Friday's letters #9

Dear makers of "nose shadow"
I presume you made this for contouring? I applaud your entrepreneurism. Most cosmetic companies would suggest that we use bronzer or blush to contour our face and nose with. But you, no you had to come up with the amazing nose shadow. May I suggest you now look to making toe-nail polish, apple of the cheek blush and bottom-lash mascara... no wait, that last one has already been invented. As you were. (I found this nose shadow sold at Daiso)

Dear body, 
You know how you still have that 1 kilo to lose before you get down to your pre-pregnancy weight. Well, here's the thing. That kilo ain't going anywhere unless you stop eating all those office sweets and cakes, and start doing some excercise.

Dear Baby on Board sign
It's time I retire you from my car's rear screen window. Firstly, my baby is no longer really a baby, he's now a 1 year old child so you're no longer relevant. But also you seem to bring out the worst in people. Whenever I have you up on my back window I get tailgated, honked at or overtaken even though I drive exactly the same way as when I'm without you. This leads me to think it's not me, it's you. So now it's goodbye. It's just safer that way.

Dear pregnancy epidemic, 
All I can think is that Sydney water has been contaminated with the pregnancy virus, because how else do you explain the fact that 7 of my friends and colleagues are pregnant, and all roughly at the same stage.  I'd better stay away from this contaminated water because until my baby is sleeping through the night and my life has returned to some kind of normalcy, I ain't interested in catching the pregnancy virus again.

Dear Friday,
I bet you thought I wouldn't write to you again after neglecting you for 4 whole weeks. You'll have to forgive me, I've been busy and besides, nothing exciting had happened to me to write home about. How about we come to the understanding that some Fridays I'll write to you, and some I won't. There's no science to it, just a matter of having spare time and having something to write to you about.

Dear Europe,
Eeep, 3 more weeks and we'll be on our way! We miss you lots and can't wait to see you again. Just a note though, this time around we have our 1 year old little dragon with us so please be kind - I would like to place an order for warm weather, no rain, and lots and lots of potato chippies for Luca to munch on... because as long as there are chippies, there's a happy little dragon.